Numb

As of late i am still wrapping my head around that i have lost my second child. I know it was cells multipling but I never thought for a second that I would be going through this again.

I havent dealt with the emotions yet since i am on holidays. I want to cry so badly. Since we are visiting family i cant show how devasted I am inside. I keep thinking what did I do wrong. Normally i wouldnt be blaming myself but it very hard not to.

My husband has talked of trying again, but i cant bring myself to even think about trying. Since the miscarriage has ended i am starting to question if its worth even trying for a baby. I cant stand the heartbreak again. 

More loss.

As many you have read i have gone through miacarriage and have been posting about the emotional rollercoaster that comes with it. I had said my husband im not sure if i could handle going through it again. Since there is alot of heart break with it. 

Well we found we were pregnant again on June 30th. I was excited but concerened at the same at as well. Since I was scared I would go through the heart break again. On July 4th I started spotting i naturally got very concerened. I did call the health link line. So I waited till the next morning to go the into the emerg. Well i went in and found out that my pregnancy hormones were back to normal. 

So i am going through the emotional roller coaster again. I am questioning myself. Since i lost  this one at 4 weeks. I cant bring myself to be emotional at the moment. It just im feeling so numb over this second miacarriage. I feel very let down by  my body. I am not sure if i want to even get pregnant again. I want answer on why this is happening and i know i wont get any.